


Forgive me for the fool I was

by larascasse



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Kimi and Seb get to be old men, M/M, Reminiscing, Seb's speeches don't get any better, outdoors sex, sort of angst...I guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 18:13:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larascasse/pseuds/larascasse
Summary: It's been many years since they've seen each other, and Kimi just needs a moment to reflect on things before he's ready for it.





	Forgive me for the fool I was

**Author's Note:**

> Words: beach, hands, nostalgia.

Seagulls were squawking as they soared above the waves, circling what Kimi assumed was a school of fish in the shallow waters. He found a secluded section of beach and sat down.

The coast looked much the same as the last time he was here. A little more eroded perhaps. A few more houses in the distance. But the way the sand felt as it ran through his fingers, that was the same. The same tingle, the same heat.

He took his shoes and socks off and pushed the sand with his toes, digging holes absentmindedly as he looked at a yacht shrinking towards the horizon.

He had a yacht too once, years ago, when he still found pleasure in these things. He had anchored it just off this beach on a warm summer evening. He and Seb had taken the seadoo to shore and, after a quick swim, had laid out their towels to dry on. Seb had insisted on celebrating their 1-2 finish at the Hungarian Grand Prix with a quiet getaway. Kimi, as always, had been more than happy for an excuse to disappear from the limelight for a bit.

Seb layed on his back, eyes closed, arms crossed behind his head.

"I can't believe we get another year of this."

Kimi made a non-committal noise as he grazed the sand with his fingers.

"We can have the constructors too next season. I know we can," Seb said, smiling to himself.

Kimi took a handful of sand and squeezed it before letting the little clumps fall back to the ground next to the small seashell Seb had found and given to him when they had walked up the beach. It was one of those spiral cone ones, the type that looked like it could have been from a unicorn. _For luck_ , Seb had said, _and to remember this moment_. Kimi wasn’t the superstitious kind, but Seb was, and Kimi wasn’t one to mock him for it, so he took the little shell and tucked it inside his bag for safe keeping, as he normally did. Not that he’d be needing luck from now on.

"I'm done with the racing. I'm not coming back."

Seb sat up, eyes wide open.

"What? Why?"

Kimi scratched the tattoo on his arm. Iceman. He'd been proud to wear that moniker for a long time. But lately, he felt, no, he knew, that his only role in the team was to make sure Seb crossed the finish line first. On some days, he could rationalize it. Seb was younger, still in his prime. He had more championships. He was more charismatic. He was more. More of everything.

Except he wasn't. They were equal. Or so it was supposed to be. When they'd agreed to race on the same team despite their relationship, it was with the intention to do so as evenly as possible. And it was, for a while at least. Sometimes Kimi got pole, sometimes it was Seb. Sometimes it was neither. It didn't matter as long as they were racing together. Then slowly, without him realising it at first, Seb inched forward and became Ferrari's number one. Kimi was left behind. Not far behind, but just enough to play defense man for Seb.

Kimi wiped his hands on his bathing pants and turned to Seb. "Don't wanna talk about it now," he said and straddled Seb.

"We have to ta-"

Kimi stopped Seb mid sentence with a kiss. 

"Kimi," Seb tutted.

But Kimi ignored him. The last thing he wanted to do was have an in depth discussion about why he wanted to leave. There'd be time for that later. 

He inhaled deeply, breathing in the moist air alive with with the smell of all that inhabited it. No gasoline. No oil. No burnt rubber.

He dipped down for another kiss, enjoying the tingle of salt on his lips. A perfectly seasoned boyfriend.

“You’re not going to talk to me, are you?” Seb said as he gave Kimi’s bicep a tender squeeze.

“No,” Kimi said as he pressed himself closer to Seb.

“There’s gonna be sand everywhere.”

“Don’t care,” Kimi replied between little tastes of Seb’s mouth. He shifted to reach between them, stroking the damp fabric, making Seb push against his hand. Kimi smiled as he closed his teeth on Seb’s lip, feeling Seb’s cock twitch in his palm. Seb had always been so easy to navigate, and just like a well-tuned car, Kimi knew exactly what he needed to do to get the best of him. Every stroke, push, or pull. Every time his fingers grazed skin or dug into it. Every motion his hands or mouth made resulted in exactly what he wanted. Gasps and moans, swears and laughs, and all the other sweet sounds Kimi loved to hear from him when they were together.

Kimi moved backwards, letting his fingertips drag on Seb’s torso until they reached the waistband, sneaking under it to tug the bathing shorts until he was granted full view of Seb’s cock. He sat back, taking his eyes off of Seb to look around. The beach was by no means inaccessible, but they were currently alone and there were no sounds of cars from the nearby street. Seb wriggled underneath him and Kimi had to swat his hand away to stop him from touching himself. 

Seb’s eyes darted around and he propped himself up on his elbows. “Someone might see.”

Kimi wrapped his hand around Seb’s cock and pressed his thumb the length of it. “No one is here.”

“Easy for you. I’m the one with my dick out.”

Kimi licked his thumb and circled the tip of Seb’s cock with it. “Nice dick too.” Seb groaned half in protest, half in pleasure.

“Fine,” Kimi said, and took off his own pants. “Better?”

“A bit,” said Seb as he took one last glance at their surroundings before pulling his pants completely off.

Kimi sat down on the towel with Seb facing him. He pulled himself closer until he felt his blood pulse when their bodies met. Seb’s hands pressed into his back, reducing the gap between them to nothing. Kimi spit on his hand and slid it down, wrapping firmly around Seb’s cock, wetting it as he slowly stroked it. The vibrations from Seb’s hum tickled his ear and raised goosebumps on his skin.

His breathing matched his strokes, slow, deliberate. He loved end-of-race-weekend sex, it was always so calming, therapeutic almost. It was the best way he knew to leave it all behind, to completely lift the stress and pressure off his shoulders. 

Seb clutched at his back, and soon he was biting into his shoulder, his breath choppy.

Kimi picked up the pace, and soon after Seb joined in, matching the tempo as his hand slid along Kimi’s cock. They kept at it, their heavy breaths the only sounds necessary as they let their cocks frot together, between their hands. Kimi leaned forward, pulling Seb into a kiss as he felt himself come, breaking the kiss only long enough to let his moans escape. He spread his warm come on Seb’s cock with a few strokes before massaging his balls and the sensitive skin beyond them until Seb came too teeth digging hard into Kimi’s shoulder.

They stayed in that embrace to catch their breath before dropping back down on their towels, completely content. 

It wasn't until minutes later, when Seb turned to his stomach, that they both decided it was time to leave the beach. 

"I've got sand everywhere," Seb complained as he tried to clean himself off.

Kimi tried to help him, but he was just as sandy and only made things worse, so they opted to rinse off in the sea before heading back to the yacht, stealing a few more kisses as they did.

 

The yacht in the distance had fully disappeared while Kimi had been thinking. He looked down at his hands, decorated with wrinkles and age spots. They had served him well over the years. They had allowed him his livelihood, his passion for racing. But there never was a car that felt as good in his hands as Seb had felt. Even now, as he sat on the beach staring nostalgically at his hands, he could still remember the way Seb had reached for his hand when they were back on the yacht, their fingers interlocking as they talked. He remembered the stubble against his palm as they kissed one last time, knowing full well that his departure meant their end. He remembered the wetness of tears. Seb’s, his. Probably both.

He looked at his hands again. Hands that gave him so much pleasure. Hands that should never had let go, that should have held on tight to what he wanted.

 

"Dad? It's time."

Kimi looked over his shoulder to see his daughter coming toward him. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small seashell. The pearlish outside was still shiny and soft under his thumb. 

"Coming," kimi said as he put his shoes back on and let himself be helped up by his daughter. He took one last look at the beach before leaning on his cane on his way to the car.

The event was packed full of people he didn’t recognize. Once in a while, he’d spot someone in the crowd that he knew or that he’d seen on the television. Mostly though, he stayed at his table as Rianna and Robin made conversation with the other guests. He had done his best to avoid the F1 scene since he’d left it, but the kids had insisted on him being there, so he’d agreed, for them.

“Kimi,” a man said as he laid a hand on Kimi’s shoulder. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Kimi flinched at the touch. Or the voice. It had been so long since he had either. “The kids,” Kimi said, waving in the general direction where they were standing.

Seb nodded. Even after all these years, Kimi didn’t need to explain himself.

“It’s good to see you,” Seb said and extended his hand.

Kimi stood up and reached inside his pocket before shaking Seb’s hand. “Yeah, it’s nice.”

When their hands parted, Seb looked down at his palm, puzzled. Then, like Kimi had hoped, he saw the flicker of recognition in Seb’s eyes.

“You kept it.” Seb looked at him, searching, wondering.

Kimi smiled sheepishly. 

Just as Seb was about to say something, the presenter called Seb to the stage.

“I -” Seb said, pointing over his shoulder.

“Go,” Kimi said and took his seat along with the rest of his table.

After a short speech that Kimi actually listened too, it was his turn to be called to the front. Kimi slowly made his way to the stage, waving here and there as the audience applauded.

Then there they were, face to face again, the spot lights blinding out their view of the room, as if it was only the two of them.  
“Congratulations Kimi,” Seb said as he handed him his Ferrari Lifetime Achievement award.

Kimi stepped into Seb’s open arms and hugged him. “Should have stayed,” he whispered.

Seb hugged him closer. “You're here now.”

When they parted, Seb kept an arm wrapped around Kimi, and with a smile, spoke in the microphone for all to here. “I love this guy.”

And while the audience laughed and applauded at the usual lighthearted comment from Seb, only Kimi understood the full meaning of those words. He grabbed Seb’s hand and leaned against him.

“I love you too," he said, only loud enough for them to hear.


End file.
